How We Came To Want Our Wishes Fulfilled By Magic:
The lack of enough positive experiences in childhood has caused us to live from a distorted and stressed frame of reference.
“It isn’t possible to generate the attitude of self-care and awareness of one’s own feelings if someone else hasn’t first done it for you. You need to have an experience with someone first... then you can reproduce it”.(Gerhardt)
We are living with unfinished business. When our needs were not met as a child, we were unable to meet them ourselves. We could not regulate our own feelings. We became scared for our very survival and scared of these unresolved, unrecognised, but deeply felt feelings and needs.
As adults we are seeking to be taken care of, “to have all wishes fulfilled by magic”(Gerhardt), and to have needs anticipated by others who should be mind readers. We become either “avoidant”, making few demands in order to avoid being abandoned again, or perfectionist and ambitious in an attempt to find self-esteem.
In The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk states: “The adults who had been abused as children often had trouble concentrating, complained of always being on edge, and were filled with self-loathing. They had enormous trouble negotiating intimate relationships, often veering from indiscriminate, high-risk, and unsatisfying sexual involvements to total sexual shutdown. They also had large gaps in their memories, often engaged in self-destructive behaviours, and had a host of medical problems. These symptoms were relatively rare in the survivors of natural disasters.”
Dr van der Kolk called “The consequences of caretaker abuse and neglect” a hidden epidemic. He considers it a form of post traumatic stress similar to that experienced by combat soldiers, with the caveat “...but they are also very different in that their childhood trauma has prevented them from developing some of the mental capacities that adults soldiers possessed before their traumas occurred.”
“To create the life of your dreams, the time has come for you to love you. Focus on your joy. Do all the things that make you feel good. Everything will change in your life, when you change the inside of you. Allow the Universe to give you every good thing you deserve, by being a magnet to them all.”The Secret
We need to build mental strength and nervous stability. This will ensure we are well-balanced emotionally, and we will come to feel a serene self-confidence knowing we can tap into our innate connection with the power to cope with any problem that may arise in our world. We will find an attitude of sound judgment: we are less sensitive or confused because our mind has healed, expanded, and can embrace many branches of learning, able to juggle a problem without anxiety; we become aware of the many solutions and choices in any situation.
My belief is that the brain needs to heal along with the body as they are an interacting force. My experience is that the brain can be healed when we accept we were, and still are, injured, and take the necessary steps to address the physical, mental, and emotional hurt.
We will then become whole.
And this wholeness will lead to us becoming more in touch with our True Self - our spiritual core.